Fan mail

Sometimes the little vermin ask me, “O Jordan, how can you stand to stand so tall?” and I always reply in some such words as these: “From heights as great as mine, one can’t help but to look down in love upon the piffling bugs beneath!” What follows is a sample of the musings of those mites, from whose squishy, green entrails issue forth the loveliest bile here compiled…

“Jordan Manalastas certainly has a gift for eloquence—if only he didn’t miss the point completely.”
—Ms Murata

“He is so bitter and has accumulated so much regret that he is blinded: It distorts, bends and twists whatever he writes about religion or moral values.”
—Mr Gallo

“Your opinions are the product of ignorance and pathetic self-insulation from the realities of what the world is like . . . I’m thoroughly disgusted by your pompousness and your ability to trivialize being an immigrant in this country. Do not fuck with my friends.”
—Ms de la Fuente

“Fascist nonsense!”
—Bruce

“The author comes off as a petulant child who refuses to clean up his room because it will just get messy again.”
—Mike

“I was completely appalled by this article.”
—Catholic

“Alexandra Wallace was more civil and actually used relevant evidence to make her point. Between the two of you, it seems like UCLA has a problem with students expressing their frustration like adults.”
—UCSD Journalist

“I am tired of being attacked by people who have such closed minds . . . I felt attacked by this article, and am tempted to retaliate. But I will not.”
—Tired of being attacked

“Your ignorance is almost as painful as your writing.”
—efive

Sadly, I’d neither much time nor interest in searching too deeply for these; and the above does not do my dear fans justice. Peruse at your leisure, yourself, future friends.

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